What if

************這篇影評可能有雷************

看過Wild（狂野行），完場的一剎，心情好像很沈重，但又好似有全身變輕鬆的感覺。這套戲不煽情，但到了某些位置，卻讓人很想哭。哭的也許是同情女主角，也可能是同情自己竟然沒有同樣的勇氣，那麼肆意地活出自己的人生。

（下有劇透）
在母親過世後，Cheryl一直都任由慾望主宰自己。她出軌、吸毒、濫交，在旁觀者甚至是自己眼中，都墮落不堪。她從一開始，剛踏上行山徑就想回頭放棄，到後來遇到困難就說「管他的」那種撇脫，可見那3個月的成長是驚人而具體的。

最後她說：「What if I forgave myself? I thought. What if I forgave myself even though I'd done something I shouldn't have? What if I was a liar and a cheat and there was no excuse for what I'd done other than because it was what I wanted and needed to do? What if I was sorry, but if I could go back in time I wouldn't do anything differently than I had done? What if I'd actually wanted to fuck every one of those men? What if heroin taught me something? What if yes was the right answer instead of no? What if what made me do all those things everyone thought I shouldn't have done was what also had got me here? What if I was never redeemed? What if I already was?」

是的，如果她沒有做過那一切被視為「錯」的、「墮落「的，那她也不會跑到山上來。也許她永遠不能成長成現在的自己。正如另一段，Cheryl所說：「There's no way to know what makes one thing happen and not another. What leads to what. What destroys what. What causes what to flourish or die or take another course.」　從來沒有人知道，也永遠不會有人知道，如果不走那一步，前面的風景會如何改變。
Yes, this is very cliché. 但誰說cliché就不能是真實的？也許就是因為太過真實而變成cliché。誰知道呢。

朋友看完後，說對Cheryl還是跟旅途上偶遇的Band友一夜情了，感到很失望。我反而覺得，坦然面對自己的情慾，又有什麼問題？感覺對了，就好了。也很欣賞導演對Cheryl情慾態度的處理。在電影中很清楚地感覺到，Cheryl在旅途中很有意識地保護自己，免受侵犯。其實她是知道的，想要與不想要。若然我們都懂得尊重每個人的身體自主，誰又能隨意對別人指手劃腳呢？