An old sophisticated heart re-searching for truth from among a lifetime's illus

讓我想起Johnny Depp主演的《The Libertine（浪蕩子）》。其實都是講關於人丟失信仰，後來被生活的truth教訓，在親身挨痛的苦難之後漸漸醒悟回歸正途的故事。
當你失去了對眾人普遍認同的價值的信仰，比如，不再相信友誼、親情，就會像風箏斷了線一樣，在虛空之中飄蕩，被一種完全孤獨的感覺淹沒，四週全是虛無飄渺，空洞迷茫。這個世界好像隻剩下你一個人，除此以外，再無什麼可惜你依靠和依憑。你在精神世界裡看不到除你以外任何一個其他的存在，只見到你自己。世界上只剩下了你自己。這種感覺不是源於自大，而是恰恰相反，源於認識到自己在這世上的無比微渺，宛如滄海一粟，無依無憑。這就是片名叫「Solitary Man」的意旨所在吧。

看到前半他竟然與繼女上床那一幕時簡直難以置信。後面的一連串苦果接踵而來，都是自釀的苦酒。Yes, self-induced disasters.
其實他在拿自己的人生做一個實驗，實驗人生當中是否有恆定不變而可永遠依靠的東西。
活到60歲的年紀，人生的年輪轉過滿滿一圈，很多東西他都已經不再相信，友誼、人情、親情、歷史、倫理等等，十足一個老油條了。其實挺可悲的，當一個人沒有了可以相信的東西。於是他在人生這片蒼茫的汪洋里隨波逐流，沒有能抓住的準繩，唯一能拿來作準的只有自己的感覺和慾望了。興之所至，隨意而行。也不去想後果，也不顧影響和形象，老油條孑然一身誰動得了我，剩下只圖一時快意。
生活突變的原因：
1. 厭倦了一帆風順的單調。
2. 他發現就算他胡來也沒人發現，也沒人譴責，不必承擔後果。
3. 想放肆恣意地活出自己，不再考慮那麼多。（其實這個轉變的時間和誘因等電影裡交代得不是很清楚，好像他在坐牢那一天裡感悟了什麼，又好像是緣於那次醫院心電圖檢查？時間線索沒抓住，可能要再細看一遍。）
對人際關係喪失信念的原因：
1. 交易論。他相信人與人之間的交際都是有目的的，各取所需，各謀其利，得到了，就散了。就像男女之間的露水情緣一樣。這可能和他年輕時的經歷有關，他說學生時代暗戀一個看起來冰清玉潔的乖乖女生，後來卻得知她被一個勇於追求的男生給狠狠地上了，於是對「純潔」的幻想破滅。也可能和他經商的身份有關，畢竟是個商人，在商界摸爬滾打多年，用交易的眼光來一切看事情也很自然。
2. 看透世態炎涼的深刻孤獨感。他覺得每個人都是孤伶伶的，成功或者失敗的時候，其實都只有自己一個人獨自站在一邊。而大多數站在一起的人，只不過是因為他們還處在相似的環境而已。當境遇改變，與眾不同的個體就會被孤立出來，或者變成眼紅嫉妒的對象，或者變成同情憐憫的可憐蟲。沒有人是真正與你站在一起，你只有你自己。

其實這電影有很多地方交代得不清楚，比如他與前妻的關係就很重要，還有和他老朋友Jim的關係，另外時間線也模糊不清。一個人走到今天這樣子，與其經歷和歷史肯定關係莫大，但是關於此人的歷史並未有太多交代，缺失了很重要的一部份。

主角的性格片中也沒有刻畫得很鮮明，不過這類人的一些關鍵特徵也足以看出來了。There is a kind of people, probably due to their over-prosperous vitality or humanity, which, though, often push them off the right track and into some irrational and risky sideways, who would rather abandon the originally comfortable and decent life, can you believe it, just because they're tired of the tedious consistency of a good life -- yes, even if such consistency comes from a consistent good life, and pick up a strange risky new life that is filled with possibilities (which also mieans unpredictability), certainly including the possibility of getting stuck in troubles and even shame.
It is in human nature to be tempted by new and fresh things, as we all are. But some of us would very prudently and rationally stay awake and alert and go on the normal track, while some others, quite unaccidentally those more passionate and imaginative and courageous ones, would take the risk to try something new.
Surely, if these people follow the normal even path, they would easily get successful. But how about getting fulfilled? Would they get fulfilled if they follow the normal path and attain normal success?
That's what lures them to stray away from the normal safe track.
They don't want a well mapped-out and well known common path. They want something uncommon and new and strange, and found out by their own. They want to define what they want. And they are willing and admirably dare to pay a great expense, even at the expense of his time and his own life, and even the benefits of "his" people (but when the deal involves the benefit of others, it unavoidably becomes despicable), for the adventruous trip to explore and experiment.
They are gamers and players. They are hunters and experimentalists. They are dreamers and adventurers. They jump and hop and run and play about, and they die hard. No, they don't want to die at all.
【So he tries to play with everything he can touch, because he doesn't believe there's anything true in them. He's doing it as an experiment too. What he wants to find out is: "Is there anything true and believable and unchangeable and reliable at all, when the circumstances are all changed, say, if I mess all these constantly good models up and turn them upside down?" He's just doing it in a reversed, uncommon way, and definitely a hard way. 】
Then what's the answer finally? As all such experimentalists do, he gets a completely common answer, so very commonplace that every normal individual knows and follows as the rule of life without even bothering to go into experiments in order to find it out.
Yes, there are something true, so very true, to life, people, this being, and this world. Life and this world do have rules, very strict and clear ones. The system is complete and functional. If you break them, consequences will manifest themselves, often quite quickly, upon the transgressor. And the consequences would happen in a very natural and reasonable way that you can neither deny nor pretend not to understand.
In the face of such iron laws, gamers and players are bound to lose their game. It looks like a lot of various possibilities out there, though, the right way is a single one. Therefore, all those glittering "possibilities" out there in the dark are but illusions to confuse your vision and to interfere with your will to keep to the single right track.
So shall we say the path of life is full of danger, with so many tempting snares and traps alongside, while the only way is a narrow small one hidden among such many temptations and illusions.
Therefore, it's absolutely necessary to think carefully before taking a step on this path.
——「Just take a few minutes and decide what you really want. 」
Ben has done an experiment in this story, and has found it out for the late-comers on this path called life.   舉報